Why do I get aggravated sometimes?

Ha ha...get comfortable...this could be a long one.
After everything I have gone thru in the last 10-12 years....it's a miracle that I wasn't in a bell tower with a shotgun playing "judge jury and executioner" to people who have wronged me over that time.  But I decided to go another route.  I decided to just ignore the stupidity...the evilness...the mean people who are on this Earth to do nothing but piss people off and complain.  Do I complain sometimes? Of course....you have to sometimes. But I am trying to live my life positively.  I really get inspired by people who can do that. I have seen it in action now......and it amazes me. So I decided a year ago that THAT is what I want my life to be like...positive.   But there are always gonna be people who will try to rain on that parade.  I understand that some people just don't "get me".....they don't understand the change that can happen to a person when they stare death right in the face, but somehow survive it.  It does change you.  I decided to live my life the way I wanted to..not the way OTHERS want me to. They either don't understand that, or don't like it. It bothers them that I don't care what they think......but  I am smart enough and have good enough morals (stop laughing...I do)and judgement to do just fine on my own...thank you very much.
I WILL make mistakes....but that's part of life. I am not perfect...thank God.  I hope people understand how absolutely FUCKING BORING "perfect" is.    OK....sorry...went off on a small rant...but I warned you this could get long.....and I'm just getting started.
I consider myself a nice guy...and enough people tell me that I'm a good person, that I feel like I am doing something right.  I'd do anything for someone I like or care about.
However...I absolutely DETEST being called "nice, or innocent".  That drives me fucking nuts.  I can be crazy, wild and kinky more than most people(My ex girlfriends and even my ex wife will attest to that.........I'm a Scorpio after all....so trust me) I just don't run around like a testosterone driven douchebag like most of the guys nowadays.  But as for wild and crazy......I have done porn.....and gotten paid for it...so there !!  I even got another offer to do more recently...but turned it down. I'm not sure why...the money was good....I just didn't feel like it was a good idea. I even asked for opinions.I also entered an amatuer night strip contest down in South Carolina...and yes..alcohol WAS involved, but I still did it.  LOL So don't call me innocent mother fuckers !!!
But my shyness has come back lately.....and I'm not sure why. I'm having some real strange emotions lately....I think I know why..but I just have to keep my mouth shut and not do anything silly. Not an easy thing for a person who usually goes after what he wants with reckless abandon. But sometimes you just aren't sure if the other person is interested in THAT way..........so why put yourself "out there" to get hurt again? It's really hard to hold back what I am feeling.....and it's getting tougher each day....especially when there is so much in common.....but like I said...I just don't think the other person feels the same way. Believe me...if she did...I'd have no hesitations at all.
It's possible to be a decent guy and still be fun.  What's that saying that guys say about women...they want "a lady in public and a tiger in the bedroom".  Well, that's pretty much me....except for the lady part...lol...shut up...you get my point.   So the other day...I get the "you look so sweet and innocent" comment.....and I didn't exactly respond to it in a nice way  LOL (anyone who knows me , knows I don't usually take compliments very well any way....I just feel funny when people do that). So I responded how much I HATE being called innocent........and the woman got all offended (how do you like it ???)  I told her it was nothing personal...I just hate being called innocent........just so she would not feel bad............FAIL !!!  She got offended...and told me "You obviously need to get laid"........which is ANOTHER comment I can't stand (yeah Miss...you are batting a big fat ZERO at this point).  So I responded with "TRUST me...I have been married before....I can do 6 months with no sex standing on my HEAD...plus God gave me a right hand.....I'll be ok". (and even if she was 100% RIGHT.....I wasn't gonna let her win that argument  LOL)
Oops...offended her again  LOL   But that's me.....I sometimes can't stop myself.  I am sarcastic to the end....and quick with the humor.  It's why people like me.....but it's also why people DON'T like me as well.
But again.....I don't care if people I don't know like me or not. I care about family and friends and would die for them......and their opinions do matter to me. But I'm not gonna lose sleep over opinions of strangers.
  So getting back to my original point(sorry that I once again went all over the place and didn't stick to my original point..but once I get rolling..it all comes gushing out LOL)....I am trying to surround myself with people who are positive...upbeat and pleasant to be around.  It really makes a difference in life....and I have noticed myself being much happier since I started doing this.    I will close by saying...try it....seriously.
And if I go off on a rant.....it's therapy.....and we all need that too.
Bye for now !!